Oh, Debt Service Ratio

I was close! It is a "debt service ratio", not a "dick service ratio". Well, you can understand my confusion given many of the people T.B. interacts with in the course of a week of fending for my well-being.

Toodles, we're going to the park.

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

My Wavy Coat and The Dick Service Ratio

That is a "natural" wave in my perfect coat, yes.

T.B. is busy calculating something she calls the dick-service-ratio. It seems to me that I'm the only one who isn't a dick so the ratio should be one to one, me and her. Do I have to explain how I got the answer????

Mingus, MBA, CFA

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Fork In The Path

Humans have the funniest sayings! There is no fork in the path, just a choice of going this way or that way and usually it is about getting to what is most important in the moment to you.... the idea of high consciousness vs low consciousness is just more vanity.... you go this way or you go that way and eventually your hips and your heart give out and you die. That's it.


In the meantime, there's grated smoked Mozzarella on sirloin with navy beans for my dinner! T.B. has some other version of it going on, but mine is DELICIOUS!!! As for the fork in the road, well, I'm not going to be around for long enough for it to matter which fork she chooses. The dinner fork or the dessert fork, or the fish fork, or the oyster fork.....
Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Depression and Sore Hips

Sometimes the brooding sky over my head reflects how I feel inside, in my bones--which creak like the bedroom door once did. The tempest skies like this one are an energetic relief from the gray flannel skies that flatten our mood for months on end here in the Pathetic Northwest... or is that Pacific Northwest? Send me a storm but not anymore monotony of endless gray unless it comes with cute and kind little Westhighland White Terriers and Rescued little Schnauzers! Please! My back legs aren't working properly and it scares me, and I can see T.B. trying to be brave enough for both of us, which is my job. Doesn't she get that everyone knows you aren't brave when they see you crying!!! Jeez, what would she do without me?

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Fellini Days and Kerrisdale Days

I don't know what she's putting in my food, however, the supernatural and I are in tune! Either we went to the beach this morning and saw this shipwreck/art installation or I dreamed it.... and then this posse of little dogs had their way with me... then later in the day there were horse drawn carriages on the next block and "The Beatles" playing 'Twist and Shout' to a group of dancing five year olds.... "Kerrisdale Days".... I'm safe now. I mean, I'm protecting T.B.
Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

I Did Not Poop In The Daffodils!

I'm okay. I'm panting a lot in the night and it isn't because I'm dreaming of Kora or my humpy gorilla... some of it is pain, and some of it is a lack of oxygen, and some of it is who knows what???? I don't want to go for a chest x-ray. I want to feel young and chipper again, like I do when I play downward dog with T.B. in the morning. She's funny. I like nuzzling with her, but not as much as I liked nuzzling with my brother, Chase.

We had rib eye steaks tonight and lots of phone conversation for T.B.. She's in pay for Mingus mode of late; I'm not seeing as much of her. It's boring without her, and lonely. She's having breakfast with Uncle K. and Stupid Health Regulations won't let me have breakfast with them at Barney's. I think Barney is a jerk then!

I'm a prisonner!

Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

She Loves Me

T.B. loves me. Thankfully, since I can't read or hear, I don't get the love letters, or the lectures, that come with it if you are a guy and she loves you. She tried reading to me but what's the point? I just get the snuggles, kisses, protection, adventures, and GREAT FOOD! As she knows, she'll never have another love like mine .... that's why she's always concious of how precious it is. Sigh....

Mingus, the devoted

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Food Channel Is Begging For Me

Have you noticed the difference between "weekend food" and "weekday food"? On Saturday I'm hand fed hors d'oeuvre by Aunty N, and by Tuesday morning my neighbor, David, is offering me his compost (on knee). Is that what they call "gastronomic adventures"? The Food Channel had better hurry up and beg for my consent for a travelogue about my eating preferences....

I have new sad news on the death front, but I'm too sad to write about it just yet. Maybe after a few more sleeps .... I'm going to think about climate change for a while instead.

Love,
Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

A Picture Paints A Gazillion Possibilities

Can She Pose Me In Front of Some Calders????

I know! But I would like to pose in front of some really famous artist's work before my death... but then, that's a vanity I don't really aspire to, but for the fact that it might entail more "following" and "recompense"... I want to know that I'm leaving My Bitch some wordly or is that worldly security when I'm gone... is that vanity, or love?

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

FAT DUCK OR PIRATE DUCK?

After another frustrating afternoon
of shopping for fat ducks
and not finding any,
Aunty N. showed up to dinner with
a BLACK PIRATE DUCK
THAT SQUEEKS!


copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Perfect Head

What were you expecting from the title?



This is a close up of my perfect head.


with mountain/ocean backdrop





with too much gum showing

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

I Am Not Charlie Mingus

I'm tone deaf, or is that stone deaf? Anyway, I can't hear and I certainly cannot play the bass, nor the piano, and the only thing I have ever composed is some peoples' and some dogs' nerves .... I am not Charles Mingus, have never been Charles Mingus, will never be Charles Mingus! I told you, I was named "Cool Blue" until My Bitch bought me at the slave post for $600. (she would have had to pay another $600. for me if she wanted to stud me, but she had my nuts chopped off instead) and SHE CHANGED MY NAME!


That's me in front of George Norris' sculpture "Crab" at the Vancouver Planetarium. That is another place that I'm refused entry because of that puppy "Stupid Health Regulations". I'm getting tempted to put a contract out on "Stupid Health Regulations" who is stealing My Bitch from me all the time!

Now, I wish the paparazzi would just leave me alone!

Mingus, the grumpy

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Mingus Saulnier Loves The Hand That Feeds Him

I think manicures are silly. Hands smeared in salmon or organic chicken or country-style liver pate are far more beautiful than hands with nails that all look the same and are painted like crayon colors.

Here's T.B.'s gloved hand feeding me salmon jerky in the park. (not very glamorous!)

Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Popemobile and Mingusmobile

I have my own "mobile" and am rigged with sound... I'm listening to "Ain't No Use In Crying" from The Stones... I wonder what sounds the Pope is wired to in The Popemobile. My Bitch said to Shut The F ---- Up cause that's blasphemy and I'll get shot, but I already get a shot every Monday for my sore hips so what do I care? I think she just does the every Monday shot to scare me to close to death so that I know she's "in charge" of my death... the when and the where... Well, she has things that scare her too, so we're even!

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

In Search of A Fat Duck

My search for a Fat Duck continues.... so far this season it has been shockingly unsatisfying--all feathers, lice and bones, no meat, no FAT. These city ponds are an insult to my palate!

Chef Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Mingus and the I-Pod

I have nothing personal against Beethoven, and I hope he had a nice ride in the elevator and everything, but I think it was unfair of T.B. to leave me all alone today to face the enormous drama of all day's worth of Beethoven's symphonies playing on CBC FM. I'M NOT COMPLETELY DEAF! I'm exhausted and now she has me listening to Coleman Hawkins on her I-Pod. Is this music therapy to remedy my right hip ?.... hmmmm.


copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Simple Vocabulary for Dogs

I've spent my life trying, despite enormous obstacles, to grasp language, to appreciate language and all it's little nuances (and tricks), in an effort to be closer to The Bitch, and it has brought me nothing but confusion and heartache and trouble (and quite a few laughing fits too!). The Bitch can't learn Italian, so she has no right to be miffed with me for bad usuage or malapropisms. Yes, I referred to her occupation as Realwhore, when in reality she is a Realtor, but I'm almost a hundred years old and deaf, she's lucky I refer anything her way!

Besides which, I've proven her best investment to date. She paid a measly $600. for me fourteen years ago and now by her calculations I'm worth about $150,000.. That's a 250% return!

Mingus, the Illiterate Prettyface

(I don't have the spite to tell Mingus it's a financial DEFICIT, but a trillion percent return on investment on all the levels that really matter. T.B.)

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

My Front Feet

"Are my feet sexy?" I can lick my own feet! I can't cut my own nails though! TB looks after my nails and I don't even pay her for my hooficure. Does that make me a princess???

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Mingus and Sculptures in The Park

My Bitch was sorry that "Device For Rooting Out Evil" by Dennis Oppenheim is being removed from the neighborhood where she visits condos and does something she refers to as being a Realwhore--which pays all my vet bills and my grocery bills--so I thought I'd make her feel better by posing in front of this sculpture in my favorite dog park, which is much bigger than the park that the "evil" sculpture is in and this sculpture doesn't obstruct anyone's spiritual beliefs or views (as far as I can see, which is about 1000 meters). This sculpture reminds me of my aging intestines and beaches in California littered with drift wood. I hope this sculpture doesn't become controversial or they'll take it in the elevator-- never to be seen again.... I don't understand that about humans, the way their opinions shift and what was in is soon out and then people and animals and things just disappear. My couch hasn't disappeared.... yet.

Mingus, the practical and considerate

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Mingus and His Halo and Dervish Dancing Dog

I thought haloes were supposed to be over your head and white???? This is the shadow of my halo I guess. I've only recently become interested in religious iconography... I mean, I can't read, I can't chase rabbits, I can't swim, I CAN EAT! and be interested in haloes...

This furball fell in love with me on my 14th birthday, but I told her to find someone her own age who she could whirl with, and hard as it would be on her, to try to forget about me....

Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Today Is My Birthday

Longevity? I find faking my well-being very effective. I consider my fainting spells melodrama, not indicative of my heart function. My Bitch loves catching me as I swoon, and keeps telling people she hopes that is how I'll die... in her arms after a massive coronary from chasing rabbits. It could be worse.... I GET CAKE ALL DAY!!! AND STEAK FOR DINNER! AND EXTRA ANTI-INFLAMATORIES!

How long is my future?

Maybe I can take the bridge instead of the elevator????

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Shiny Labrador Coat!!!

My velvety coat, you ask? Wild Spring Salmon... and brocoli... and salmon oil... and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! And "Photoshop" for that extra lustre.

That's me in front of the sailing club at Jericho Park! It was windy! There were sailors ... but not on shore.

Terrible news! Broken hard drive! Fried! and not like chicken either! She's in mourning but says she's looking forward to a fresh start with the new hard drive.... (I haven't a clue what any of this means, but it hasn't stopped her from blabbering on the phone!)

Toodles,
Mingus the beautiful

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Bad Hair Days

She says I have more gray than she does! Here's a good shot of her "roots". She's half my age! Of course I have more gray than she does! I don't wear a hearing aid with Jack Johnson singing in it like she does! I listen to my internal organs mostly ... especially my heart... AND MY STOMACH!!!!

Mingus-the-competitive

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Labrador Retriever Movements

Ha! I'm walking better than The Bitch today, who put her back out lifting me out of the car! I'm a marathoner compared to her at the moment! She thinks Yoga is going to fix this? Ha! She's begging me for Cartrophen! She's downward dogging and crawling on her knees, and raising her knees, and lying flat and deep-breathing and downwarddogging and muscle relaxenting, and can hardly straighten up when she stands up and is pretending she can drive just fine and carrying on, but can hardly move! Now she knows how I feels some days when I just refuse to walk. Now she knows! She's the Queen of denial. Let's see who can get up the stairs to bed first now, huh, who????

Mingus the Spry!

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

April Fool'd

All this time that I've been assuming My Bitch is a bitch and now I find out that by Merriam Webster standards, she is not a female dog! or even as malicious as the definitions offer for "Bitch".... There's an entry for "Bitch Goddess" in Bartleby's, but nothing for "Bitch Doggess". Is this just one more way my whole existence has been a farce?! Or it that "fart"? I can't spell!

Happy Fool's Day to you too... I'm devasted!

Mingusfool

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch