Can I Have My Way With Mingus?

Hello,

Are you Mrs. Mingus'pimp? I'd like to reserve a time to have my way with Mingus. I'm not heavy into BDSM and am generally considered Switchy. I understand he has a hard time at this stage of life being either the bottom or the top, so I feel that I would be a suitable "playmate" for him. Short term of course. I'm willing to pay. I don't shed. I don't have any communicable diseases. I am ultimately looking for a long term arrangement, perhaps every afternoon and the occasional weekend. I don't do laundry, or cook, or hunt or gather. I do swallow.

Sincerely,
Keener

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Are You Sheep or Are You Dogs?

Call me an iconoclast, aloof, and maybe even a snob, but you can't fault me for lack of originality and guile. Your leader is taking you to the rocky part of the beach replete with screaming children, while the delicious picnic of grilled vegetables and organically raised chicken breasts is over here, and free massages. Group think only enriches my options, I've got to admit!

Free and Sleezy, I mean Easy,
Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Trees Older Than Mingus

These trees are older than I am! But they don't stand any straighter than I do. And, T.B. doesn't dote on them and work to extend their lives. with remedies and pharmaceuticals and love and attention. I'm gonna win this race to stay alive. Yes I am. Auntie Katie is going to love me tomorrow--that will definitely extend my days!

Kisses,
Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Dog Park Picnics

Two things. One, "why do people and their screaming children who are terrified of dogs insist on coming to the dog park at dinner time and flying kites?" I think this is a plot by the parents to have their children chased down while running with their kite and eaten by a couple of hungry Rotties, a modern take on the Romans feeding slaves to the lions for everyone's amusement.

Two, how do I find out if the two cute guys next to us who laid out a nice picnic and treated their dog like a prince are straight and would like to adopt T.B.? She says they are too cute, well-groomed and domesticated to be straight guys in this town, but I say that they may just be new arrivals and she should act quickly and secure a two for one! Only I can't talk so I can't say this.

I'm going to last through picnic season, but I have to secure her future SOON.

Mingus, the worrier

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Dogs Are Not Color Blind

Sure, call me a colorist but not a speciesist. I prefer black dogs. THAT'S LILLY in the foreground with the black locks and distinguished features. That's just another gay pug at my crotch.

...... I hope Lilly doesn't think I'm a player.... I'm a poseur not a player. Will Lilly ever love me back????

Mingus, the lovestruck

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Labrador Crushes

I wish I could tell her how I feel about her, instead of just turning my back on her. She makes me all jittery inside and makes me act funny when she's around. She would never consider loving an old creaky underemployed dog like me, but I'd like her to know WHAT A CRUSH I'VE HAD ON HER FOR ALL THESE YEARS! I think about how her soft tressle coat must feel and I just end up turning my back on her.

Mingus, the Tortured and Silent Bard

Labrador Picnic

So we are guarding the table as you requested--actually "ordered"--now, WTF is the food?

Working Dogs

It's Summer and the Hot Doggies Are Out!

Like all old men, I have more hair inside my ears than I did when I was a young stud. This gorgeous bitch was helping with my summer grooming. Who says geezers can't get any action?

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Love After Mingus

Dear Mrs. Mingusbitch,

You should rethink your position(s). Yes, Mingus is and has been the greatest companion on Planet Love, but look at me .... if my biatch had given up on dogs like you are planning to after Mingus, a guy like me wouldn't have a great home. Take your heart off your sleeve, sure, but don't give up on all dogs just because Mingus isn't going to live forever.



Anonymous Patriot Dog

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Damn Skippy Day!

Chiquita Bananas!




I like almost getting caught!

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Is Your Labrador Retriever Afraid of Commitment?

I'm not afraid of commitment like this big yellow assertive Labrador accused me of yesterday. WE DIDN'T HAVE GOOD ENERGY TOGETHER. I COULD TELL RIGHT AWAY THAT SHE'D BE A "BETTY TURNED BEALS BUTT MUNCHIN" IN NO TIME. I WANT TO ENJOY MY LAST DAYS! NOT BE NAGGED INTO SUBMISSION AND CAGED IN BY HER NEED. I BEAGLED OUTTA THERE!

Mingus, the self-possessed bachelor

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Vancouver Labrador Retriever Takes First Prize

Seriously, has there ever been a fourteen and one quarter year old Labrador Retriever whose beauty and indolence came close to mine? No. I was put especially on this couch, I mean "Earth", to let my love light shine and blind T.B. with my stellar charm and swarthy good looks.

Mingus, the self-aggrandizing dreamer

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Imperfect

My big nose, her blemishes and Medusa hair, my cataracts, and grey muzzle ... we have faces only each other could love ... which leads me back to how I have to get her adopted soon ... before I die from one of these damn infections, or from rabbit and squirrel-chasing .... Maybe her Vet could find her a new partner when I die, or I could find someone to adopt her like she found Auntie and Uncle Barb to adopt "Woody"? That was a good deal! He got to live on acreage in the country, though mostly he lived on the couch.

There's so many worries and responsibilities that come with these true love relationships! No wonder my heart gets sore.


copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Mingus, the Worrier

Trying To Get Adopted As a Star Pet

T.B. accused me of being a sycophant with Auntie and Uncle Louisa-Michel since they've been orphaned by their two Black Labrador Retrievers ... all because they own a big delicious shop filled with organic treats that I could spend my retirement in and overeat, I mean oversee, the perishable stock and ensure none of it stays in the refrigerators or on the shelves past the overdue dates! I was only thinking of their well-being when I tried to weasel my way permanently into their embraces, and their grocery bags FILLED WITH TREATS T.B. NEVER, EVER BUYS FOR ME--SOME SHE NEVER EVEN KNEW EXISTED AND SHE CALLS HERSELF DEVOTED AND GASTRONOMICALLY ENLIGHTENED?????

Mingus, the torn between Great Loves

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Mingus and the Fluff Falling From the Sky

I don't get to choose which pictures T.B. posts of me anymore than I get to choose what she says about me, or says for me. She's a woman--control-freak is built-in--and, admittedly I can't type, think in full sentences, take pictures or download or upload them. I'm pretty much useless except as an entity to park all your love in and see what comes back. If T.B. would meet a lazy, smiling, affable, slightly stubborn but always loving man who enjoyed good food and had long silky ears she'd probably pour as much love into him and wait and see what came back, and the result would probably be much the same: bills, responsibilities, a companion animal to dote on ...


This Rubenesque image of me doesn't reflect the reality. It was a bad camera angle. I'm not fat, I'm getting skinny and frail. It does show the shaved patch from my Emergency Hospital adventure though to good effect.



This cotton stuff has been falling from the sky lately and is making me hack up a lung, but I look very handsome walking in a field of it, don't I?

Picnic tonight with my Auntie Louisa and Uncle Michel, who I know are going to cry like babies cause I'm going to remind them of the babies they just lost. Maybe we should bring a board game to the picnic so we don't dwell on my imminent and upcoming death. T.B. dwells on it enough!

Mingus, the semi-recovered.

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

My Bad Trip at The Unsafe Injection Site

Honestly, T.B. is twisted! Maybe she thinks she's in charge of the Canine version of Guantanamo.

She took me to my Vet today on the premise that I might have a rotten tooth. In fact, she obviously just wanted to show me what hideous narcotics and various tortures are at her disposal in relation to my death. The tranquilizer, given with a stab of a needle in my right flank by a very pretty and smiley young technician, was just the start.

Relax? No. PANIC. Like a really bad peyote trip kind of panic. Anxiety. Hyperventilation, I couldn't feel my back legs, still can't four hours after the dose. Paralyze me, make my skin hurt, incite paranoia, disconnect my senses with pharmaceuticals that have me hallucinating and fidgeting like a junkie coming down, and this is called dental care???? Then, T.B. asks me to count the number of fingers she's holding up? Or was that the peace sign she was signing my near-death certificate with?

Sure, she feels bad about it now and thinks dosing me with arnica is going to undo her folly, stop the walls and floor from crawling around me, supress my twitching, and erase my long memory for her misdeeds. Think again!

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

The Park Isn't Flat

The boats were downhilling at the park today.

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Who Has The Worst Breath?

In preparation for my big dentist appointment tomorrow, Auntie Yoga Barb agreed to play "you smell my breath and I'll smell yours" with me in the back of the car yesterday. Apparently I'm likely to win the bad breath contest against any contenders at the clinic! I'm not sure what I'll win.....

Mingus, the Deceived

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Sex In The Kennel

This was my human Dad at one time. He taught me to growl. My birth father was really just a sperm donor if you know what I mean. Yes, he had sex with my mother, but he wasn't a responsible father who then stayed around to raise me and love me and teach me things that fathers are supposed to teach their sons like how to appease or avoid bitches, except when they are in heat, and how to minimize responsibilities after mounting bitches etc....

I was raised and schooled and cared for by T.B. who writes this dumb blog for me. Well, you know what they say, "you can choose your friends, but not your family". I do love her, but I wouldn't have minded having my Dad's polygamous and responsibility-free lifestyle either ..... I think of his life as "Sex In The Kennel".

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Price of Mingus Outpaces Price of Oil, Invest Now.

I can't talk sweet crude like T.B. can-- and does--yet, I cost far more measure per measure than gassing up the car which has increased in value by a mere 40% YTD. Inflation, stagnation, mumbojumbo, last week I cost about $600, while feuling the car cost a mere $75. This week is young yet, tomorrow I'll be ratcheting up my worth at the safe injection site again, and likely at the dentist too. So much for socialized medicine for Sweet Mingus.

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

$350 Buys Pneumonia

Yesterday started normally enough with a car trip with T.B. so she could look at houses while I guarded the car, then a little lunch, and then T.B. went out for a few hours and IT HIT ME, FELLED ME, STRUCK LIKE LIGHTENING, so when T.B. got back I was just a lump of unresponsive fur and flesh lying in my bed in the hall and not guarding the door, not even raising my perfect head. She called big, tall and strong Eddie at her office and he zoomed over and carried me in one of my black fur throws, JUST LIKE A FIREMAN! to T.B.'s ambulance and off we went to Emergency where they charge you $150. for walking in the door, only I couldn't walk so I got a ride on a gurney into the clinic.

Thermometer in my bum, heart rate monitor on my chest, pulse taken, shaved my arm to take blood, I had to pee in a cup, my regular Doc called in about me, it was just like in the movies. It was so much excitement I decided to stand up and walk around, even though I was a little feverish and in a daze. A very sick cat came into the ER and a pigeon that had been attacked by a Crow gang and had to be offed. I knew I wasn't going to be offed there because I could see they didn't have an elevator.

Back at home, I kept T.B. up most of the night. She got even by sticking a thermometer up my bum every 2 hours and squirting water into my mouth every hour so I didn't wrinkle up with dehydration. Anyway, it sounds like T.B. bought me pneumonia for $350 and I have to take anti-bionics for 7 days (I would have thought that I'd want pro-bionics, not anti-bionics, the way the damn hind legs don't work anymore, but I'm no doctor!)

My appetite came back later today, but not before I turned down salmon, then sirloin and yams. Eventually I agreed to some chicken and yams and broccoli (cause broccoli makes me fart and I thought that might keep the thermometer away from my bum tonight). I drank a tank of homemade chicken stock too.

She's a doting bitch, but I do feel a lot better. Couldn't she spend money taking me on a nice holiday instead of buying me pneumonia though?

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Pigs Get Fed and Hogs Get Slaughtered

T.B. is talking in code again, you'd think she was in England! She's buried under piles of statistics and sales data and International economic press. I thought she said, "Pigs Get Fed and Dogs Gets Slaughtered", but I'm pretty sure it was "hogs" get slaughtered.... I had asparagus, broccoli, yams and pulled beef in mushroom sauce and all my anti-inflammitories for dinner and no sign of slaughter ahead. I guess I'm a pig and not a hog even though I thought I was a dog...

kisses,
Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

The Moving Ground

Been going this way for so long, don't know how to stop, don't want to stop, been seeing the ground move sideways and taking the fall of late but landing softly in the familiarity of T.B.'s embrace.... I'm not ready to let go... pot roast for dinner tonight too, would you let go???? We walked in Q.E. Park today and then in Quilchena Park... I'm here for a long haul yet!

kisses,
Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch