Cartrophen is My Friend and My Thoughts on Lack of Trust

Okay, I almost passed out just going into the Vet's beautiful clinic, but don't let good interior design fool you either, you might be taken to the Vet for the FINAL VISIT, with or without an elevator trip.... you never know what these insane humans have in store for you.... sure The Bitch took me to Kits Park before the Cartrophen shot, but look what she did with my brother, she got him high, she fed him all those luxury foods, and then she had him offed in his bed, she might as well be "The Godfather" and she wonders why I'm trembling and fainting when she takes me to the Vet after a nice walk in the park.... TRUST, TRUST, HOW CAN I TRUST YOU?????

Anyway, the injection wasn't Liver Brownies, but rather, Cartrophen, and I do feel a little better, but I'm still not sure I CAN TRUST T.B.. I'll sleep with her, but I'll have one eye open.....

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Mingus Has Soul

I can so still Reggae, and get my tail up! It just takes a few Pharmaceuticals and a bit of time to warm up!

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Mingus On Escaping Fans, Sex, and Truth

I know it isn't exactly "Abbey Road" but even I have to pick up the pace to duck away from fans! Look at the transfixed intent in the eyes of those two crazed Golden Retrievers desperate for my pawagraph or to lick my chops!

My Bitch is busting a gut watching the Clinton Lie Cycle! (She's too impatient and distracted at present for the ring cycle!) Will one of then come forward and talk honestly about sex in this campaign thing? If it is going to keep bringing down the house, how about a frank discussion here since we don't get one on foreign policy, domestic policy, or the economy etc... (I told you, My Bitch is delusional! She thinks "truth" has value. Too much Aristotle and Socrates in curriculum or mother's milk or something...)

Let's hear some truth about SEX! A nice little round table on just what kind of sex the campaigners like, or why they don't much like sex with their spouse, or how there never seems to be time for sex with their spouse who refuses to get it on in the campaign bus bathroom. The spouses of the candidates could run the forum... Bill is the one with the most mojo, we think he should lead the way to a good Mambo tune .... They could explore publicly such topics as "sneaking around as an aphrodisiac" or "getting caught" as the ultimate turn-on, or "how secrecy in foreign policy is more effective than intimate secrecy".... Watch those ratings soar! Is it not better to have a frank discussion on sexuality bringing down the Empire, than another series of foreign policy fiascos and the economy pulling down the Empire?????

Personally, I don't really care since I can't hear any of it anyway, and I don't see how the outcome of this election will affect my wild salmon supply. I just don't want to have to defend myself from overly enthusiastic fans that I can't run from because my back legs don't work properly anymore! Tomorrow I start a new protocol with my Doc. INJECTIONS! I didn't know they could INJECT LIVER BROWNIES INTO ME!!!! HOW COOL IS THAT?!?!????

Mingus, the elder

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Robin Williams!!!!

OMD, Oh My Dog, incredible men do circulate back into the market every few decades!!! Imagine hanging out with Robin Williams???? What an exhausting and stimulating thought! Series of thoughts!

Attentiveness and Poise Financed by Cheddar Cheese Cookies

It must have been a fascinating concert in the park! Or, maybe it was a lecture on canine etiquette in four star hotels??? Or, how to pretend you are completely fascinated with the television show host AND HER HUGE BAG OF 5 YR AGED WHITE CHEDDAR CHEESE BISCUITS. I was at the head of the class of course--pictures don't lie, do they? What's "staging"?

There's a lot of talk around here about civil, uncivil, civility and inhumanity, inhumanity under the guise of civility.... somehow I don't think a new dog biscuit is going to be invented through this line of thinking.

Are most men born with guns, armed in utero? And the ones we know had to surrender their armaments to get an audience with us? My Bitch's men say that her words can wound as badly as a gunshot wound, but then none of them have ever suffered a gunshot wound, so how would they know? She only wounds them with words when they are being complete numb skulls (in her opinion). If they recover they pass muster, if they don't, they didn't. The Bitch has a low tolerance for stupidity in her men. Does that make her intolerant? Sometimes cute and stupid passes muster for a little while, but not very long. I think if she's going to tolerate stupid she should tolerate stupid and extremely rich and generous, don't you?

I'm lucky to be a domesticated animal apparently, since humans use and abuse of the environment, and their dumping of plastic crap everywhere means the tides are full of plastic crap that wild birds and animals are mistaking for food, and therefore, eating it, and it has no nutritional value and is killing wildlife ingesting it, or they are getting caught up in flotsam and being entangled in plastic and dying encumbered in plastic. By contrast, I eat better than most humans, but then, I am better than most humans according to some ....

Oh, and the French and the Brits (via the figureheads of state) are the best of friends again, UNITED AGAINST A COMMON ENEMY. They think together they will "win Afghanistan". Right! It's a pledge and celebration of their mutual regard for the militarized state, a nod to passive aggression and overt aggression. Well, we are on the right hand of power apparently, so dinner at my house will probably continue to be delivered on time.

It is good optics to see the new cutie of a French pres and his very-liberated-and-easy -on- the-eyes-wife-with-many-benefits gracing the dowdy dowd of the Windsor's family dinner! Gawd, we hope the food is better than the energy in the chilled room. No wonder they only accepted a single overnight at the castle! Two nights and you might lose your mojo forever!!!! Could Queenie wear any more of those royal jewels at one sitting???? One can never wear too many thirty pound brooches and papal-style jewel-encrusted necklaces with your silk potato sack of a gown, now can one?

We have a day off tomorrow! Sure, she says that all the time! She's going to a concert .... cheating on our friend Ian Parker and going to listen to another young pianist cause she can't fly to Ireland and back for an overnight and a concert since she isn't Eurotrash with a big bank account. What's with that? She's too old to be Eurotrash I guess.

I'm going to bed. Goodnight friends.

Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

We Have a "Patrick Watson" Ghost!

Okay, I know I'm ancient and some of the faculties I once enjoyed with well-identified borders, have frayed a little and things tend to blend and merge in a sleepy sort of way that stoners can appreciate, but the fact is, NO ONE HIT "PLAY" OR EVEN "ON" AND as we were reading the blog about listening to Patrick Watson with the splitter on the I-Pod, the I-Pod, which is sitting in it's dock cradle, just started playing Patrick Watson and the remote control isn't anywhere in sight! I'm going back to bed! The roads are not paved with gold (and this isn't Kansas!). I did look into the looking glass today but I could barely make myself out. I saw a black rabbit in Jericho Park but was held back from "chasing" it. I spent much of the day in the car in my bed waiting on The Bitch, who does something she claims is work so that she can pay all our bills. It involves her talking, lots, and driving, lots, and looking in other people's homes all the time. Maybe she's a burglar? If she is, she isn't very good at it!

Night, night,

Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Spring Optimism

So, apparently, the feasts involving guilt, redemption, the realm between the material and the spiritual, the dead and the living, are over for awhile now. I still don't get to eat chocolate bunnies until my death day, however. Humans make up the stupidest lies in their efforts to covet all the good stuff for themselves, like, "chocolate is poison to dogs"!!! Go ahead, poison me with chocolate instead of more far-fetched ideas!!!! Please

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Seance Dogs

Hey Bros. ...
Apparently there is something dumb humans call "the seance" and it's okay to talk to the dead in the context of "the seance"... because money changes hands and there are agents involved and that makes it all okay... whatever! Thankfully we aren't full of crap humans, we're eat some crap, or have a crap, dogs. By the way, Chase, we don't walk in the woods much anymore, so you aren't missing any piles of horse manure loaded with Vitamin B. Since my BIG BIRTHDAY is coming up soon, I thought it a good time to post this picture of Woody with the green satin bowtie from our fourth birthday party. WHAT A DANDY!!! He really was star-quality beautiful though, wasn't he? (even if he did suck all the oxygen out of the room for everyone else ... you have to admit that none of us could clear a coffee table of all the human's drinks with our tail-wagging like Woody could! Maybe he was Egyptian and not related to us at all? That dark charcoal eyeliner and the way he wiggled those hips????? Hmmm. BTW Aunty Deen is going to Egypt...)

So, it looks like The Bitch is trying to profit on our lives now. As if we didn't give her enough love and satisfaction and vet and food bills and bills for dog-sitting and wardrobe and car-cleaning etc bills during our lives ...???? Well, at least she never sent us to work!

Oh, the channeller is leaving now and going back to his cabin in the woods on Denman Island or something, so I have to end this correspondence with you DEAD DOGS. I wish Einstein was our bitch! Or Spock!

Kisses,
Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Sweet Chase and Joan of Arc

Hey Beautiful Bro. Chase,

I guess we really are living in different places 'cause I know you wouldn't pass up rabbit for dinner! So much for bridging the time continuum! Do you have memories where you are or does going in the elevator purge the memories?

Luc Besson's "Joan of Arc" was on television tonight:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0151137/

Our Bitch thinks it is a wonderful rendition of the tail, oops, I mean tale! Something about exploring the realm between divine intelligence, learned intelligence and how culture overlays this. Beats me, and by the way there were beets with dinner. I don't think our minds work like Joan of Arc's, they are intuitive but ultimately CONCRETE. We experience deep sentiment and drive but not on the same scale of obliteration! We might get peeved with a certain dog and bite his nose or his ear but we don't then set out to destroy every dog of his ilk....

Love and Kisses,
Mingus

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

It's 4:20, I'm Dreaming of Your Resurrection Bro

Dear Chase,

I'll be expecting you at 4:20 tomorrow for Easter Dinner... We're having rabbit for the main course. Though I tried to catch them myself I can't do it anymore without you ... I can't even do catch and release anymore! Looks like there are organic chicken hearts in herbes fine to start too... and kale (yuck!), and GORGONZOLA!!!!!!!

Can you bring Uncle Buddy with you? I can hear Patrick Watson if Our Bitch puts the headphones on me.... If you're coming to dinner we can use the splitter on the I-Pod! (this is strong sh_t, stud!)

Ming-the-thing

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Easter, Posterity and Rituals Surrounding the Transitory

That's me with my Uncle Buddy when I was twelve weeks old... that's 714 weeks ago... Buddy taught me to pose for the camera... Buddy was wise; he understood the concepts of posterity and the temporary nature of life in the grass or in the lake or on the couch.... and the permanence of a good photograph.

After he went in the elevator and came back in an urn, Aunty Susan and My Bitch took him to the beach to scatter him back to the water that he loved so much. They were crying so hard so Buddy orchestrated a comedy. The top wouldn't release from the urn so they had to get a hammer out of the trunk of Aunty Susan's car and break the urn open and Buddy must have asked Zeus to stir up a big wind, which he did, and as Aunty Susan and My Bitch started throwing his ashes to the wind they all came flying back towards them and all their tears dried up when they couldn't stop laughing at how silly the rituals around the transitory nature of life/death are.... We all went for breakfast after we dusted Buddy off of ourselves. I had half a toasted sesame seed bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon. I don't remember what My Bitch had.

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Swimming Is More Fun Than Fainting After Chasing Rabbits

I like the way My Bitch drops to her knees for me and lies down in the dirt! Well, admittedly, I took off after those two black rabbits in Jericho Park at a speed not approved for my age, and then when My Bitch caught up to me it was just in time to catch me as I keeled over, just like on Boxing Day. It smelled nice down there in the wet underbrush, like wild sage and fresh cut hay, better than smelling salts to wake me up. She thought I might go in the elevator right there, but I fooled her and stood up and walked back to the car quite normally and leapt in... She was especially moved by my eyes rolling back in their sockets and scooped me into her arms andrubbed my ears and then my belly. I was tempted to just keep faking it after I'd come to, but I didn't want her calling the hearst on me. Plus, a could see out of the corner of my eye that two Standard Poodles were headed our way and I had to be pulled together by the time they reached us. Haha! I did my own resurrection scene before Easter Sunday!

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Eye Sight and AGING

Aunty V & Gus on my 4th birthday Aunty V and Uncle T at Academy Awards Dinner 2008!

I know you think I'm obsessing on "loss", but I'm nearing my 100th birthday and I'm the last dog standing from the pack I started out with! All faculties are failing. Look at the pictures, they don't lie! On the top was Aunty V with Gus at my 4th birthday party, and Gus went in the elevator and has been replaced by a puppy, not named Stupid Health Regulations, but, "Findlay"..... I could see Aunty V at that resolution on my 4th birthday, and on the bottom, is how I see Aunty V and Uncle T now! My sense of smell and touch is all I really have intact!

Oh, and my sense of HUMOR!

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Whistler, B.C. Lost Lake

My second favorite hotel is Chateau Whistler. Once upon a time I could run like this at Lost Lake retrieving the things My Bitch threw for me. I first learned to swim and fetch in Alta Lake at Whistler. I jumped off the warf and had the first "dive" of my life. My Bitch jumped in after me and I scratched her up pretty badly while dog-paddling ....

Mingus and the Plush Humpy Gorilla

A picture suggests so many interpretations .... there's are so many "unsaid" feelings left unexpressed in torrid relationships like the one I had with My Humpy Gorilla. Perhaps my brother, Chase, was always tearing Humpy Gorilla's head off in an effort to save me from the pain of unrequited love .... and not out of jealousy......

Ming

Confessions of a Sometimes Abused Studfriend

I can admit it now, in a way I was too ashamed to while I was with Kora .... I was in a sexually abusive relationship with Kora who was always insisting I push the limits of my own comfort levels... she demanded that I pose exposed like this... and I did, BUT NOT WITH A PICTURE OF MY FACE!!!

She also suggested after I was neutered, which is a responsible decision in a world of unloved and unwanted puppies, that I GET NEUTICAL IMPLANTS so I didn't look "ball-less" to her Germanic friends. That was the reason for our first break-up ... her vain pretenses, her lack of respect for my informed choices....

Another time when I asked her to rescue me from a gay bar spa that My Bitch had sent me to in the West End, she suggested that I just relax and use the back door and have some fun and that my Bitch had sent me there for a reason while she went on a holiday to Hawaii and sent me to the West End.....

What's It All About Alfie????

This is my Auntie Susan with my Auntie Deen's pooch, Alfie, at my fourth birthday party. Alfie went in the elevator some time ago now and Auntie Susan moved away to the tropics and the U.K. and the world at large and we never see her. Apparently this is a normal part of aging ... the friends you relied on thin out and disappear ... My Bitch says that there was a song titled "What's It All About Alfie?". I wonder if Alfie has an answer to that question now?

Shrine to Chase, Yellow Labrador Retriever

See what happens after you go in the elevator?????? You come back in an urn and have little offerings made to your picture, but you aren't here to eat them.....

Actually, Chase didn't die after going into an elevator. He died in My Bitch's arms in his red donut bed in the back of our old car, with me in my red donut bed beside him. My Bitch got him really stoned and then drove us around for an hour or so and hand fed him sirloin and an ice cream cone and CHOCOLATE and then parked in his vet's lot and she gave him some more drugs that put him to sleep permanently and then his vet and My Bitch cried like a couple of babies because he ate all the chocolate and didn't leave any for the rest of us.... It's a good thing Aunty N. wasn't there to miss out on the chocolate! She would have cried the hardest cause it was dark chocolate.

Intra-Species Daliances--Dog and Cat

I dreamt about our cat this morning. She must have gone in the elevator too. I'm ambivalent about the arrival of my own invitation to go in the elevator. On the one paw I might get to meet up with all these creatures who made up my past, but on the other paw what if My Bitch doesn't get on the elevator with me? and, there's still so much salmon to be eaten....


.......... I'm on that couch in the left corner--held in place by Woody's fat head (we sent Woody to live on Salt Spring Island because though he was even more beautiful than I, he was so insecure and competitive and BLONDE that we thought he'd fair better as a country boy! His sperm swam circles and so did he... we have a lot of Woody stories! Like the time he tried to commit suicide by jumping into the Green River rapids but ended up falling into a 20 metre deep hole between the bridge pilon and the embankment and had to be rescued by My Bitch's ex-husband...)

True Love Stretched Us--Labrador Retriever tugs against Rottweiler

My bitchfriend, Kora, and I, let love stretch us on the ropes. She didn't scare me when I looked in her eyes like she scared all the other dogs. I saw her for what she was... a bully, hormonally imbalanced, desperate for my love and My Bitch's peanut butter and carob cookies.

Sometimes when we walked by Kora's house we would toss little gift bags of gourmet cookies into her shrubs.... and then she would write me faxes about "deranged prowlers" in her yard....


copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

Ready for The Four Seasons Olympic, Seattle

Here's my grandmother, Jen, also a Black Labrador Retriever, and my mentor, Buddy--a Chocolate Labrador Retriever, packed and ready to go to the Four Season's in Seattle for my 3rd birthday celebration. I'm turning fourteen on April 8th, do you think there is going to be a gala celebration???? I don't want to go in an elevator though!!!!

copyright 2008 Christine Saulnier, Mingusandthebitch

I Was a Water Dog Before I Got Old

You may think that I'm just a celebrity dumbass type who never lived up to my genetic inheritance, but it isn't true... I was a fine retriever when I could still see and swim... I'm an old frivolous dog now, but I wasn't always.... I could outswim my Bitch's ex-husband while being her life raft and still be flirting with a furry bitch swimming in my vicinity.... in my day